Thursday, August 23, 2012

Resistance

"Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he brought them out of their distress.
He stilled the storm to a whisper, the waves of the sea were hushed.
They were glad when it grew calm, and he guided them to their desired haven."  ~Psalm 107:28-30

Lord, calm my storm. Lead me to my desired haven. Heal my body. Fill me with power and strength.

I think God is trying to refine me - and I keep resisting. I thought two years of cancer treatment and recovery was enough. But God's refining process takes time. More time that we expect, and certainly more time than we desire. I've learned from experience that trials take us beyond our ability to endure. When we feel we have hit our limit, the trial is rarely near an end. It is when we hit that point that we begin to understand the grace of God and how to completely depend on him. Unless we get angry and resist.

I'm still trying to do things in my strength and have yet to learn how to depend on his. I still love so much of this world and am clinging on to things that I am unwilling to let go of.

A friend recently told me that I need to accept my new normal, that I have to stop comparing my life now to what it was before cancer. She's right. But, I don't want to. I want my life back. However, I can no longer do things by sheer determination. I always thought I could do whatever I set my mind to. That just isn't the case anymore.

So Lord, I yield. What are you trying to teach me?

4 comments:

  1. Steph,
    Thinking back to your previous post too...some of my prophetic word came back to me, and I wanted to share it with you because I think it's for you too.

    2002, Mark Strong
    "I just see the Lord just coming to you and just touching you in the area of just the way that you view yourself. And you need to know that you are beautiful. Many times the world has its standards, its ways, in terms of which it defines beauty, but God says you are beautiful. And the Scripture says that God beautifies the meek with salvation. And I believe God wants you to get a hold in your heart...there's a...uh...how can I put it? There's a confidence and a calmness that God wants to give you in the depths of your heart to let you know as far as the world goes, as far as everything goes, that you're okay in the sight of God. The word of the Lord over you today is that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made. When my mom used to work at the school, she a little sign on her desk that said, "God don't make no junk." And God doesn't make junk; you are fearfully, wonderfully, craftly made. You know, you think about this, in the marriage union when a man and a woman are together in a relationship, for a child to be born, there are billions, there are over billions of sperm cells that are released; but out of those billions only one cell penetrates that egg. And God, out of the billions of possibilities, God says, "You are the one that I want." So, you're no accident; you're not just a haphazard that just happened to come upon the planet of earth..planet earth, but you're here by divine plan and divine origin. God told Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the belly, I knew you." Before Jeremiah was made, God had thoughts, He had a plan, He had a destiny, He had a purpose; Before I formed you in the belly, I knew you!" And God says, "It's the same way with you YOU.".....Sometimes we believe that God has created us to be human doings instead of human beings. And God's gonna cause you to be stretched that you might know how to be, simply because of what He's made you to be, and what He desires you to become, in terms of being transformed into the image of God. You've got a wonderful destiny of head of you; you're not an accident."
    Hugs! Rachel

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  2. Good post. I've been thinking about how hard it it not to compare even a non-cancer adulthood to the adulthood I *imagined* I would have. We just need so much help and grace.

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