Friday, September 16, 2011

We had hoped...

A couple of months ago, I tried to figure out how many treatments I had left. I need 52 weeks of Herceptin. I had 12 last summer, then started up again in January. I get 3 doses once every three weeks. My calculations determined that I had two treatments left (6 weeks).
When I saw the nurse practitioner a couple of weeks ago, her computations were different than mine. She said 3-4 more treatments. I was crushed, and frustrated. That's another 9-12 weeks.
I had hoped I would be almost done by now.
I had hoped I would be stronger.
I had hoped to be helping and encouraging others, instead of continually focused on myself.
I had hoped to reconnect with friends.
I had hoped to be a better wife and mom.
I had hoped...

Disappointment comes.
Discouragement creeps in.

I was reminded of the two men on the road to Emmaus, right after Jesus' resurrection.

Now that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem. They were talking with each other about everything that had happened. As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.
He asked them, “What are you discussing together as you walk along?”
They stood still, their faces downcast. One of them, named Cleopas, asked him, “Are you the only one visiting Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?”
“What things?” he asked.
“About Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. “He was a prophet, powerful in word and deed before God and all the people. The chief priests and our rulers handed him over to be sentenced to death, and they crucified him; but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel. ~Luke 24:13-21

They had hoped that Jesus was going to redeem Israel. In their minds, his death also meant the death of their dreams, of their hope. They had their idea of how things would go, of how God would fulfill His promises to them. And when things didn't go as they expected, they lost hope.

But the very thing that caused their hopelessness, the death of Jesus, was also the thing that provided the greatest hope the world has ever known. Jesus' death gave them exactly what they had hoped for: redemption.

I don't want to be like these men, who didn't recognize Jesus, who lost hope because things didn't go their way. I want to trust God, in all circumstances, with joy and with hope.

Perhaps the circumstances of my life, the things that aren't going the way I had hoped, are the very things that God will use to bring about the fulfillment of His promises to me, and to satisfy the deepest desires of my heart.


  1. One thing I do know.... You are constantly encouraging others as you walk through this journey. Every time I see you -- like last Sunday, dancing in front with a joyful strength -- you encourage me. Your message is being tried, but I can't wait for the day that hundreds of women are restored to Jesus through your life and labor and testimony!

  2. Steph, I totally agree with Jennifer! Your smile and your generosity is such a blessing to me and everyone around you :) Your strength and faith through this journey give me hope to believe God to do big things in my life too! God is faithful. Love you, Lindsay

  3. Steph, you are so full of give honor to The Lord Jesus Christ!!! These truths you are learning mean even more coming from you who are in such a trial. The girls and I studying about joy this month and yesterday we read about Job. We talked about how Joy is in The Lord and not in the circumstances. You show that in every way. I can't imagine the discouragement, but I see you fighting. We are all rooting for you to keep your eyes focused on Jesus and He will be your strength, just as he is your joy! We will pray for minute-by-minute strength and clarity and for you to have supernatural power to overcome. I love you dear friend!

  4. Sometimes, we have to let go of all hopes that are not solely on and in Him and His promise of Heaven. Everything else that we hope in will fail us in the end. It's only His promise to return for us that we can truly hope in.

  5. Stephanie,i used to be in a very bad mood and now everything bad that i had thought would come to me has never come.There are many things more dangerous than a disease.Be happy.You'll be okay.After your two treatments i will come here again to say congratulations to you.You are an ideal mother and wife.

  6. Hi, Stephanie,

    Thank you so much, Friend, for continuing your blog. I read two of them to our students at Bible study last week: this one and the one where Kedrick quoted Matthew 5:16 about going to public school. Your rich knowledge of Scripture has provided instant direction for comfort and encouragement for you and for your family. You are an example for us to follow to be in God's Word and let His Word be in us. Thank you. And I wish I could be there to see you dancing at church! You always played the piano with His joy, and movement was just coming from your fingers, the smile on your face, and your dancing eyes then! Please say hi to Damie for me :)

    with love,