Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The New Me

My last chemo treatment was December 15th. That was almost four months ago. It took about eight weeks for my hair to start growing back. Then it came in so very slowly. My husband, who normally wears a clean-shaven-head, started letting his hair grow out too. He committed to letting his grow until mine was long enough to go without a wig.
He shaved his off last week, signaling the time had come.
I thought my hair would be much longer by now, but it is still very, very short. It also appears to be very curly.
My wigs are getting scraggly. I'm tired of wearing them. Last week, I ventured out of the house without. I felt naked, but free. And also very self-conscious. No one looked at me strangely.
So on Sunday I worked up the courage to go to church with my short, short hair. It is such a big, public place. But also a safe place.
I wanted to hide. I had that same feeling when I first cut my hair and when I first wore a wig. So I did the same thing I did then. I stood up extra tall, lifted my head with determined confidence, put on a big, nervous smile, and approached the building.
My fashion-diva friend opened the door. Her face lit up as she enthusiastically exclaimed, "You look gorgeous!" Just what I needed to hear, from just the right person.
People don't seem to think "cancer" or "boy" when they look at me. But this style does have a loud voice. It speaks bold, eccentric, risky, confident, modern. Am I those things? I've always liked my long, safe, mainstream hair. I like to blend in. I like to conform. I like to follow protocol.
Yet maybe this hairstyle does represent the new me. I'm not afraid anymore. I am bold. I am determined. And I am free, from so many things.


  1. I agree. Gorgeous! I like it a lot. and think of all the sweet ear rings you can show off. :0) Way to go with God and give him the glory.

  2. You are absolutely beautiful!!!!!!

  3. You are beautiful, Steph! I think of you everyday and the journey that God has set you on. I know that without a doubt, He is looking down on you so proudly. And bragging it up to everyone around Him how proud He is of His precious daughter! Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Hey Steph! Please go to wwww.cookielee.biz/jacquemckinley look at the catalog and tell me which earrings you want the most. My treat! Would love to show you some care. I will keep bugging you til you tell me.

  5. Yes, I agree! Beautiful! You are a gorgeous woman inside and out. Thank you so much for your blog, your faith and courage are blessings in my life. Miss you!

  6. I love it, Steph! Thanks for sharing.