Radiation is going well. This is my last week. The skin on my chest is burnt, red and peeling. It hasn't been bad, but I'm anxious to be done. The doctor told me that my chance of recurrence is low. Praise the Lord!
I've been busy. I feel much better and have enough energy to make it through the entire day.
I'm busy, trying to get my home back in order.
I'm busy, trying to win back my kids.
I'm busy, trying to return life to normal.
Conflicting emotions constantly bombard me, but I don't find the time to process them. I'm confronted with new struggles, new sins.
Everything is hard. Rebuilding takes work. Baby steps. And envy whispers in my ear,
over the ease in which others achieve, even the simplest things
and their physical strength, to do what I cannot, but once could
The hard part is behind me and I want normal, now.
And yet, I don't want to go back to normal. I want life to be different, better, less wasted, but I still lack the strength.
I should be thankful for how far I've come,
instead I get frustrated by how far I have to go.
I'm learning to trust
that God is directing my steps
that God will use my life as he desires
in his timing
and I'm right where he wants me to be
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
~ Proverbs 3:5-6