I must tell you, I'm not in despair. The title of my last post was in reference to the torture chamber in The Princess Bride (movie version) not my state of mind. Physically however, it was the worst five days of my life. It was the first time the "why" question attempted to enter my mind.
It didn't linger. It doesn't matter. My faith isn't dictated by my circumstances. God is still on His throne. He is still in control. He knows why. I don't need to. I trust Him.
I met with my doctor today. I complained. He said he would lower the dose next time around, and talk to my pharmacist about things they can do to help with the side effects. He reassured me that it would be better next time. Otherwise, I'm not sure I could have made myself walk through those doors next Tuesday.
All of my blood counts were low, but not as low as he expected. I suppose that's good news.
I never experienced any bone pain.
I am starting to feel better. Not great, but better.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18