Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Broken

Warning: this post may be uncomfortably descriptive for some

Before leaving the hospital, the doctor requested that I change my bandages and take a shower. Knowing how difficult it would be, both physically and emotionally, I put it off until the last possible moment. And when that moment finally came, and I could put it off no longer, I mustered up all my courage and got up, allowing Damie and the nurses to unwrap the bandages. I stood there, with my eyes closed, not daring to look, my emotions coming to the surface.
Damie gently led me to the shower. I collapsed onto the seat as my blood pressure unexpectedly dropped. My eyes blurred and everything sounded muffled. I sat there in the shower, naked, hairless, scarred, with drain tubes dangling from my sides. I must have looked pathetic sitting there, my body marred, still covered in iodine and the markings from the surgeon.
Damie was at my side. He was praying fervently for me. Then he was calling for the nurses and directing them to help. There was worry and compassion in his voice. They covered me and got me back into bed, closely monitoring me until my blood pressure was back to normal.
This isn't quite what I pictured when we vowed, "...in sickness and in health, till death do us part." This isn't how I want to present myself to my husband.
And yet, he sees past all the brokenness and weakness in my body, still seeing me whole, still seeing me how I looked when we first met. And more importantly, loving me for who I am today, and for who we have become together.
And in the midst of all the activity, while I was barely conscious in the shower stall, Damie reached for my hat. He tenderly covered my head, somehow knowing that would comfort me.

Picturing myself lying broken in the shower, and experiencing the unconditional love of my husband...I'm struck by the resemblance to how each of us comes to Christ. Torn apart by the hardness of life. Bruised and broken by sin. Overtaken by depression, anxiety, fear, failure. Wounded, broken-hearted, hurt.
Finally, in our weakness and desperation, we realize how much we need a savior. We stop trying to cover our brokenness. We stop trying to excuse our sin. We surrender. We cry out to God, and He comes and exchanges our filthy rags for robes of righteousness. With compassion and mercy, He picks us up, broken and scarred, and wraps us in His garments of salvation. He heals our wounds. He forgives our sins. He takes away all the fear, all the guilt, all the shame. He makes us new. He makes us whole. He makes us presentable, beautiful, spotless and pure. His bride. His beloved.

Isaiah 61:10
I will greatly rejoice in the LORD,
My soul shall be joyful in my God;
For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation,
He has covered me with the robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

7 comments:

  1. Oh Stephanie.
    I am so sorry for all that you are going through.
    You and Damie are such a beautiful example of what true love and a real marriage should look like.
    Praying that Jesus continues to fill you with peace and comfort that only He can bring.
    Rob has been praying daily for Damie, too.
    You are so so so very loved Stephanie.
    Thank you for using your painful experience to teach us all more about our Savior.
    Hugs.

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  2. Following your blog, your recovery and your sanctification, loving all of you and family and friends, in prayer always. Knowing God’s will is perfect. Few words, but all in Him. Be well!

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  3. What an amazing lesson you have blessed us with. Thank you for taking this huge trial and using it for good. I am so proud to call you friend...for the way you continually look to Jesus for comfort and strength, and Damie--THANK YOU for loving my friend so well.

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  4. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! For your honesty, your transparency, your insightfulness, your faith and your testimony! YOU ARE A REMARKABLE AND BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!!! You have an amazing husband as well. My heart fills with emotion as I watch you both grow through this journey together. I'm sure God's heart is touched by your trust and obedience in Him. I love you now and I'll love you forever!!
    Mom

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  5. Tears stream down my face as I read your latest post. How vulnerable you must feel. You are an amazing person and I admire your courage. Love and hugs.
    A and E

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  6. Stephanie! You are such a brave an marvelous creation of God's!! I feel honored to know you and to be a witness to how God is working in your life:) I love you and I can't wait till it's my turn to help you at your home:) Blessings and LOVE!!!

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  7. The tenderness that Damie exhibited brought me to tears. What a precious husband you have and so compassionate and gentle and understanding. What a gift.

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