Thursday, July 8, 2010


Today I looked in the mirror. I haven't been able to look at myself since this all began. I'm not sure why. I think I feel like my body let me down, or something like that. My glances have been brief, to do only what is necessary, like brush my teeth. Today I was able to look. Really look. I stared into my eyes. I looked at my hair. My glance lowered to my collar bone and the bandage covering the port. I took off the bandage and looked at that too. I've kept it covered, mostly from myself. It lays under the skin, with a scar next to the bump. Some people have imagined a plug-in type device resting on top of the skin. It actually sits under the skin, invisible except for the gnarly, protruding bump.
I'm thankful my two oldest children are boys. They find it all very cool and fascinating. I've uncovered the port countless times for them. They are very excited to see the "machine" that I get "plugged into" while the medicine is being administered. They are also excited for me to lose my hair, so I can be bald like daddy. I learn a lot from how to find joy and humor in the details.


  1. Stephanie,
    With or without hair, with or without scars, you are beautiful.
    Your smile and your eyes will shine through!
    Your courageous spirit and your love of the Lord does, too!
    Praying for you throughout the day.

  2. Steph, I appreciate your honesty & insight about the path you are walking. God will show Himself faithful to you & your family. I love your boys! They are a precious treasure. Bald like Daddy?! I love it! After all doesn't everyone want to be like Daddy? So so cute & revealing of their adoration for him & also their care for you & efforts to console you. So beautiful.

    Love you friend. You are constantly on my mind & in my heart as I lift up your name to the Lord throughout the day.

    Love Steph

  3. You are an amazing woman! Keep writing Steph, you're blog is so special :)

  4. we have walked to's the most precious happy,Stephanie.

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