I'm thankful my two oldest children are boys. They find it all very cool and fascinating. I've uncovered the port countless times for them. They are very excited to see the "machine" that I get "plugged into" while the medicine is being administered. They are also excited for me to lose my hair, so I can be bald like daddy. I learn a lot from them...like how to find joy and humor in the details.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Today I looked in the mirror. I haven't been able to look at myself since this all began. I'm not sure why. I think I feel like my body let me down, or something like that. My glances have been brief, to do only what is necessary, like brush my teeth. Today I was able to look. Really look. I stared into my eyes. I looked at my hair. My glance lowered to my collar bone and the bandage covering the port. I took off the bandage and looked at that too. I've kept it covered, mostly from myself. It lays under the skin, with a scar next to the bump. Some people have imagined a plug-in type device resting on top of the skin. It actually sits under the skin, invisible except for the gnarly, protruding bump.