Saturday, July 24, 2010

Hair

My hair started falling out this week. First it was a little bit. Then it was a lot.
I didn't think it would be a big deal. I'm not particularly vain.
But when it started coming out in handfuls, it was a bit disturbing.
It became apparent to me how much of my identity I get from my hair.
Wednesday night it was time, It needed to be cut.
My dear friend brought me dinner and I asked her to stay and help me cut my hair. It was very emotional for me. But her presence brought me comfort.

I went to a wig store to try on wigs, wig after wig, style after style. They were all very cute.
But with each one I'd look at myself and say, "No, that's just not me."
Glamourous. Professional. Spunky. Sophisticated...which one was me?
Then I looked at myself without the wig and thought "cancer patient."
The worst look of all. The one I don't want.
Will that look elicit horror, pity, fear? What expression will I see on the faces of those who see me?
And as hard as it is to look in the mirror and see cancer patient, I know that is not who I am.
My hair does not define who I am.
This image that I present to the world is only an image, it's not the real thing.
My identity comes from God. I was created in his image.
My beauty comes from within. From a gentle and quiet spirit, one that God has been gently, and sometimes painfully, working in me for years.

Once my hair falls out completely, I'll be wearing one of those beautiful wigs.
And it will be fun, to have a new look. Which one will I choose?
And maybe at times, I'll go without. Perhaps I'll learn to be content. Hopefully people will see past the cancer patient look, and see the person inside.





7 comments:

  1. IT is impossible to know Stephanie Lasater and not see the beauty within which oozes compassion and grace and joy. You are beautiful. And you are right, your hair does not define you. Your maker defines you! Loved this post, and how you write about these real things that cancer patients all over the world experience. I pray your perception....based on God...will bring the comfort only He can bring. I love you my dear friend!!!

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  2. You are so lovely! And you have the perfect face shape to pull off that short cut. God made you just the way He wants you to be. Such an honor to walk with you through this trial! Love you friend! Steph

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  3. You are a gorgeous woman Stephanie! I absolutely adore your short hairdo!!! It does show off your beautiful face. I love hearing what God is teaching you through this, - such an encouragement and beautiful reminder for us all. Thank you for opening your heart and life to share with us all.

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  4. God is so good to work in you and through you, Stephanie! You are impacting the lives of others significantly through your journey because of your faith and patience. Thank you for walking with God for all of us to see.

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  5. Wow Step! You look beautiful! But more importantly, you sound beautiful. I love you dear friend.

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  6. Cutting that hair off seems significant. It is you, being willing not to "lose" your hair, but to "give" it. Just as Jesus did not "lose" His life for us, He "gave" it. I know it seems like a stretch, but it's what I thought of. You are not walking through this defeated, in despair. You are walking through this with hope and faith in your Creator and Lord, your Abba Father. You are not simply enduring this trial through to its end. You are walking through this valley with eyes wide open, willing to learn, to see what lies there in the depth, open to experiencing ALL that God would like to reveal to you, even if it may be painful at times. You are victorious in Christ and it shines forth in every post, every word, every smile and tear. Thank you for sharing it with us.

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  7. Steph, I love your short hair! it's super cute!! I personally LOVE wigs!! ask andrea sills :) if you want someone to go wig shopping with you i would totally go!! You could have a different style EVERYDAY!! :) How fun!!! Love you!!!

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