Yet, at the end of each day, I felt down, and discouraged.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
I try to forget. To pretend things are normal.
In the midst of having fun, it is as if I'm out in the cold. In the dark. In the snow.
I'm standing outside of the house, looking in. Seeing the warmth, the light, the friends. All having fun. Enjoying life. With no worries. Without the burdens that weigh me down.
And I long to be in the house. To be warm. To be care free.
Then I snap out of it. I get caught in the moment. I forget my worries. I enjoy life, like I've never enjoyed life.
But something always pulls me back. Always a reminder. A pain. A fear. And I'm back outside, looking in.
I know I'm not alone. As I look around and see the world, seemingly care free, seemingly normal, I realize that most people have a burden that they carry. Often going through the motions of having fun and being normal, but weighed down by worries, failures, brokenness.
My heart aches. My heart longs for a place without sin. Without pain. Without worry.
And I know this is not how God intended it.
My hope is in a God who heals. A God who comforts. A God who restores.
I lay my burdens at His feet. Knowing my joy, my peace, my freedom come from him. Anything else is just an illusion.
"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." ~Hebrews 4:16