Today I was bombarded with information. It was overwhelming. I tried to be brave, but only made it half-way through my appointment before I completely broke down. All the details of chemo, all the side effects, all the possible complications, surgery, radiation, more chemo, more side effects, more possible complications...scary words like heart failure, anaphylactic shock, blood transfusion. Then another exam where they wrinkle their brow and poke around, feeling body parts that seem very distant from breast cancer...like my feet. What in the world could be wrong with my feet? I really don't want to know. I didn't even ask.
At first they said the MRI indicated that the cancer was isolated to the area they knew about. But then they said there was a lymph node in my chest that was a little big, but probably nothing to worry about. Of course, it is hard NOT to worry about it. Then they said there was a little spot on my liver. Once again, probably nothing to worry about. But then the doctor did an exam of my abdomen and ordered a CT scan. Honestly, my courage is failing. Another test. More results. More waiting. More dread.
Friday (6/25): CT Scan, Echo Cardiogram, Chemo Ed.
Monday (6/28): Port Surgery
Friday (7/2): Chemo starts
It's all a blur. I don't quite remember everything they said but I think that one drug will be administered weekly, then a different one every third week. I'm young and the cancer is aggressive so they will treat it with everything they've got. Three to four months of chemo. Then a mastectomy. Then more chemo, radiation and hormone blockers.
Thank you friends for your continued prayers, words of encouragement, calls, emails, letters, gifts. I can't express how very much they mean to me. Each one coming at the opportune time. Each one bringing tears of joy and thankfulness. You are all so dear to me!
Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.