It all started with a lump I found a few weeks ago. I went to the doctor and he set up an appointment with the radiologist. Here is the rundown of the last week.
Monday: Excruciatingly long ultrasound where they found multiple lumps and a swollen lymph node - followed by many mammograms. Damie was out of town. The experience was dark and heavy and I was overwhelmed by fear.
Tuesday: Damie flew back into town just in time for the biopsy. They took samples of two of the lumps and the lymph node. Received much prayer support from friends. The procedure, although much more invasive than the previous day, was actually much brighter and peaceful than the day before.
Wednesday: Waiting. Peace. Calm. Mom stayed with me while Damie was at work. As it got closer and closer to evening, I started panicking. Dread. Fear. Gnawing stomach. I went to bed and had the most amazing nights sleep.
Thursday: PEACE! Unbelievable peace! I was joyful, almost giddy. Anyone who knows me and knows what a coward I am of things like this, knows what an incredible miracle this is. Damie got home at 5:00 and we called the Radiologist for the test results. All three tested positive for cancer. Continued peace; that peace that God promises us; that peace that passes all understanding.
Friday: Friday was hard. I had to start weaning my sweet, little 5-month-old girl. She's never taken a bottle. Her little cries for food and comfort broke my heart. I received many phone calls. None from the doctor who we should be hearing from in the next few days. Instead the calls were from administrative type people. They went over the process with me and all the possibilities. All I heard all day was cancer, cancer, CANCER. I started to get discouraged. Then out of the blue, I shouted to my mom, "I don't want to be one of the 10 spies who could only see the giants! I want to be like Joshua and Caleb, who kept their eyes on Almighty God!"
My step-dad prayed for me, and peace returned.
Regardless of the outcome, I trust in God. I trust that He really does work all things together for good. I believe that His grace is sufficient. I know that He is good. He will give me just what I need to make it through each day. One day at a time. Day by day.